Pond Slam 2015 aka The Most Alive

These branches hurt when they scratch me.

I've never felt more alive than I do right now. The ducks, the water, young people everywhere. A ten-speed just rode by and I've never felt more alive than I do right now.

In this moment - every sound I hear, a generator, a car driving by, birds chirping, ducks making whatever sounds ducks make, people talking, people walking, a girl screaming, laughing. Everything's good today.

And even though everything isn't good, right now it feels like it is. Right now the sun's shining and my lungs work and Emma just asked if I took roll and I didn't. I didn't take roll today and I've never felt more alive.

I can feel the wind in my hair and even though I don't have any hair, I can still feel the wind and I've never felt more alive.

A weird leaf acorn thing just fell out of the tree and landed on my notebook and it scared me, but I'm still alive - and I'm scared, but I'm still alive. I'm more alive today than I was yesterday.

I'm more alive than you

Sure, you're only 17 and you have your whole life ahead of you and you still have all of your hair and your back doesn't hurt and your legs aren't gonna be sore tomorrow from walking up those freaking stairs, but still

I'm more alive than you

You, who's still talking about last week's prom and did you have a good time and who did you go with? OMG! - You. The one laughing on the fishing deck and chasing the geese across the shore and you're still laughing, you're still laughing, this whole class is laughing.

But I'm more alive than all of you

The 18 of you who didn't even make it to the pond today. I never actually counted because I'm afraid the number might even be higher.

We're all more alive than you

Because being alive is more than your heart rate or your cholesterol. Doctors can't measure it. It's more than your picture collection or how much fun you're having. I'm more alive than you because I have a pen in my hand. And I'm more aware of this moment than anything else.

I'm paying attention.

I used to have a bumper sticker on my car that said "I'm so broke I can't even pay attention." Well, I'm not that broke anymore. And I haven't driven that car for years.

I've written more today than I wrote yesterday.

And next year you'll be gone.

And I'll still be here, writing.