You told me a story tonight, but I wasn't really listening. Partly because I can't understand you when you speak. Mostly because my heart was breaking.
I saw your profile silhouette and got lost in the future. You were 15 and you no longer told me stories with so much enthusiasm anymore. You never even talked to me. You were too busy texting and being in your room and being too young and hip for me. I was too busy worrying about boys. I was too busy working. You were too old and embarrassed to go to work with me like you used to. We argued more than we cuddled. We gave each other the silent treatment instead of piggy back rides. We ate cereal in silence. I stopped scratching your back to help you fall asleep years ago.
All moons go through phases, I guess.
And even though you're still young and you still love me and we told each other great stories tonight, and even though I gave you a piggy back upstairs and we played the balloon game for 20 minutes and you ran upstairs and gave me a kiss right when I asked for it, and even though you're still only three and December's like a month away, and even though your mother and I are still very much in love and we don't just see each other on the weekends, and even though there are 365 days in every single year (sometimes even more) and I have summers off and there will always be another bedtime tomorrow, I know that time is running out.
I could take all the batteries out of all the clocks and it wouldn't change anything.
You still believe in Santa and I wish I did too,
so bad.
Sweet dreams,
I love you.
Dad.
I like how detailed you are. "You still believe in Santa and I wish I did too,
ReplyDeleteso bad." I love this line and this post. I have read it like 3 times.
"Partly because I can't understand you when you speak."
ReplyDelete"All moons go through phases, I guess."
"I could take all the batteries out of all the clocks and it wouldn't change anything."
so many incredible lines
Dang this pushes tears to the back of my eyes reminiscing to when I still hugged my dad.
This is breaking my heart...
ReplyDeleteBut I'm not gonna cry. I'm not.gonna.cry.
I can't even choose a favorite line...
Beautifully tragic.
"I could take all the batteries out of all the clocks and it wouldn't change anything."
ReplyDeleteBasically says it all. Incredible post.
Ahh this makes me sad because everything you just said "You were too busy texting and being in your room and being too young and hip for me." is what happened to me with my parents..
ReplyDeletethis makes me want to have kids but it also makes me not want to have kids.
ReplyDeleteall good things must end
#oceanface
ReplyDelete#ifyoureadthisattheopenmiceveryonewillcry
#stoptheworld
I'm sitting here trying not to cry in front of everyone at attendance school (tbh I can't stand most of them anyway). This reminds me of my relationship with my parents. We used to be so close and everyday we drift apart. I miss when I was a little kid :'( this post was beyond beautiful
ReplyDeleteThis made me dislike my dad a little less so thank you
ReplyDeleteI think
this is sad because that's exactly what is going to happen.
ReplyDeletebut i bet she'll love you just as much as she does now.
^idk, sorry, this post almost made me cry.
So I wrote you a huge comment in class and right as I was posting it, our internet crashed I was pissed. But I love this post.
ReplyDeleteThis post was so sad, but yet it was so true and so gooooood.
ReplyDelete"You were 15"
ReplyDelete" there are 365 days in every single year (sometimes even more) and I have summers off"
Something about 15. you didn't write 16. Why did that push tears to the front of my eyes? 15. 15. 15. 15. and you have summers off.
I don't know why those lines pricked me so much but i loved them and they mean so much to me for some audacity.
I'm not sure why, but this instilled hope in me for parenting, for the growing generation, and for humanity. I also felt despair. But the despair made me feel real.
ReplyDeleteThis made me feel the pressure of the future. Not in a college application kind of way, but a force letting me know it's there.
For some reason, I'm going to print this out and put it in my Future Journal.
ReplyDeleteI read lots of beautiful stuff, but for some reason, this has had the greatest effect on me since 2012.
I like this alot.
ReplyDelete