if you really knew me

you'd know that my house is freezing.

you'd know that I'm a picky eater. and now my kids are picky eaters and I don't understand why.

you'd know that I drink a Pepsi every night before I go to bed. and I used to do sit-ups. and I used to be able to say that I never had a cavity. and I used to be much, much shorter.

if you really knew me, you'd know that I want to be a writer and sometimes I think that I am. you'd know that I listen to music ALL the time. to wake me up. to put me to sleep. in the car, in the shower, when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I'm not even thinking about anything.

you'd know that I listen to hip-hop, yeah, I know I'm old, but I listen to hip-hop-- and it was mine before it was yours. You'd know that I swear all the time, usually under my breath or in my mind, or when I'm alone in my car.

if you really knew me you'd know that I have a weird fingernail habit that I don't really want to talk about right now because you wouldn't understand anyway.

you'd know that I don't drink as much water as I should, or floss as often as I should, and deep down I don't think anyone does.

you'd know I have a hard time making eye contact with people, especially OTHER people. I hate small talk and polite conversations and fake moments with people I don't care about. You'd know I hate the idea of courtesy laughs but I still laugh when things aren't funny.

if you really knew me you'd know I'm afraid of taking off my shirt. I'm afraid of spiders and boring people, but I'm no longer afraid of my dad.

you'd know that I was extremely average in high school and sometimes I'm afraid that I still am. you'd know the fire still burns within me and sometimes I can feel it going out but it's here right now and I'm going to let it burn.